My Kind of Crack

Ladies and gentlemen, I have been cheating.

Not on the water thing. Nope - I'm totally solid in that department.

But when it comes to sticking to a meal or weight loss plan, I totally fail.

This is what's cool about the journey, though. I see where my problem areas are, and find a way to make adjustments.

The culprit is sugar. That's easy to pinpoint.

The problem is I can't stay away from it. It's like crack to me.

Like, say, after I pick up my son from school, and stop for snacks on the way to the library, I make an abysmal attempt to get the "least impactful" chocolate bar (Is that a word? Impactful? Can someone tell me if Sarah Palin has used that yet?). Which for me, is the Nestle 100 Grand bar at 180 calories.

But then I tell myself, "Okay, does it HAVE to be the one with the least amount of calories? I'll just make sure I don't eat something to awful for dinner..." and then reach for an Almond Joy (220 calories). Then I decide I want two.

And I can't even blame it on "emotional" eating. I love going to the library with my son. It gives me time to help him with his homework and get some work done myself.

Then there are the times where I "keep some in my car" for emergencies. What the hell is a CANDY EMERGENCY, anyway? Oh, and let's not talk about the "emergency drawer" at home. It's the one place my husband and I can go to when we've so totally HAD IT with fake sweets (i.e., "100 Calorie" packs of just about anything). Last I checked, it was filled with Little Debbie Peanut Butter Crisps. Again, if someone could help me define what a "candy emergency" is, I'd totally be indebted.

ANYway...I don't know why refined sugars (candy/oreos/brownies, etc) have such a hold on me. I really don't. All I know is that, after I've eaten something fairly hearty or salty, I want sugar to "balance out the taste." Or I want it when I'm not even hungry. My hand just wanders off, patting down the backseat of my car or glove box until it finds a bag of something and grabs it. It's frustrating. Because my inner slave always gives my hand something to find.

I know I'm a lifelong slave to sugar. I never met a brownie, cookie, ice cream treat, or candy bar that I didn't immediately fall in love with.

So, how do I adjust? Does anyone have an idea? I'm totally in new territory here. I know for sure that cutting out the soda and sugary sweet alcoholic drinks has done my body a TREMENDOUS favor, but why can't I shake the desire for sugar in all the wrong places?

It's like I need the Dr. Phil for sweets to do an intervention. Is there such a person? Dr. Oz, perhaps? Can anyone get him on the line?

*Sigh*

In the mean time, I am vowing to keep a food journal. Beginning today, I started keeping track of EVERYTHING (and I mean EVERYTHING) that went into my mouth. I once read where a girl said, "If you bite it, write it." I wish I can remember who said it, because I'm going to live it. It's got to have some sort of impact on me - seeing how many calories I consume in a day JUST FROM STUPID CRAP LIKE REFINED SUGARY SNACKS. I have to stop hiding from the truth. Because in the end, the numbers don't lie.

It's probably the only way I can kick sugar in its white, refined, grainy ass.